you're at the top of my list, trust me.

pin.

remember when i ran away and left reality {blogging is reality} behind?

i ran away because i was burnt out. which, means i was really really burnt out.  because if there's one trait i was blessed with - sass aside - it was the gift to give.  and i don't mean that in the self-promoting way.  i mean that in the it's-my-achilles-heel kind of way.

i must have said something alarming in a facebook post because not long after i landed in my hotel room, robin checked in with - what i could tell was - concern in the tone of her text message. text messages have tone, dontchyaknow.

i told her i was over it.

over what?

being a better friend to everyone than they are to me.

wait.  maybe i'm exaggerating.

no, i get it.  i can see how your loyalty would be taken advantage of...  tell me more.

 it would take 4395467 text messages to tell you how i feel.

email?

see, robin can't talk on the phone.  her hoard of wild monkey children scream at the sight of phone-to-ear.  even in their sleep, i think.  sometimes robin and i make phone appointments where she actually goes off-site, as in - away from home - to talk on the phone.  but something that orchestrated only happens annually.  it requires months of coordination to get it on our schedules. i even create an agenda.

so i emailed.  for three hours i spilled my guts about the things from the bottom of my gut that never intended to come out my fingertips. 

key points:

i never expect to get as much as i give.

...

the top of my list is infinite. when you're at the top of my list, you don't know you're sharing it with every single person i know.

...

that means the things on my list get done at 2 a.m.

...

when everyone i know goes home at the end of the day to regroup and reenergize... or even have the "how was your day" conversation... i go home to new wallpaper and 15 pillows on the couch.

...

i have the capacity to give a marathon worth of giving and get by on just one little sip of water for hydration.

...

without that sip, i hit the wall fast and hard.

and then, with all fairness and logic and neutrality and reason, robin's response was simple:

adjust your expectations + adjust where you put effort into your life.

and just like that, i was over it.

and when i saw that pin i was reminded all over again how right robin was is.  about everything.  it's amazing.